Science Equals Paaaain
by DelinquentDuelistsofDoom
Summary: Several of the Yu-Gi-Oh! gang get stuck in a science fair. With Kaiba and Bakura stuck to the wall, certain psychos chasing waiters around with daggers, and Rebecca Hawkins simply existing, will anyone survive? (This is a co-written story)
1. Introduction to Destruction

Hello, all. ^_^ This is the grand Tag-Team project . . . er . . . yeah.  
  
Basically, eight of us fan fiction authors created a joint account and we will each write a chapter of this story. NONE of us have any idea what the next one will do. I'm lucky, I get to start, I GET TO INFLICT PAIN AND TORTURE!!!!!!!  
  
So . . . without further ado, the The Yu-Gi-Oh! Craziness Guild presents . . .  
  
"Science Equals Paaaain".  
  
This Chapter's Author: Ethelflaed  
  
Disclaimer: (sweat drops) I own nothing but my chapter. Sad to say, I don't own anything else. Except the general plot.  
  
Note: Yamo=The Evil Freakish Marik That Needs a Haircut (B/k's. If you use it without crediting it to her, I will attack . . .)  
  
Another Note: This is one of those stories where Evil Bakura, Yami, and Yamo have their own bodies for no apparent reason.  
  
Two More Notes: Mouself helped me with this somewhat. YOU RULE! And, CPegasus will probably kill me for something I did in here . . .  
  
(And if you want to see a full list of the authors involved, go to our author page and read your heart out.)  
  
********  
  
Tea Gardner ran up to the rest of the group, waving an annoucement. "HEY! GUYS! I JUST FOUND OUT SOMETHING!"  
  
"I'm dying of excitement," muttered Kaiba, who had been dragged along by Mokuba, as always.  
  
"Can I kill someone?" asked Yamo.  
  
"What is it?" inquired Bakura.  
  
"Can I inflict pain and torture on mortals?"  
  
"Can I banish BOTH of the other spirits to the Shadow Realm?"  
  
"Will there be food?"  
  
"Can I flick dice at people?"  
  
"Can I impress Seren-er, can I show how intelligent I am?"  
  
"Seto, you're gonna do it, riiiiiiiight????"  
  
"You too, Joey!"  
  
"Yami, stop trying to kill Evil Bakura!"  
  
"Can I be pharaoh?"  
  
Tea sighed. "NO. There's a science project contest, and I thought it would be fun to enter . . . what do you guys think?"  
  
You could almost hear the crickets chirp. Then Evil Bakura turned to his hikari. "Ryou, is chemistry science?"  
  
"Ye-OH NO YOU DON'T!"  
  
Evil Bakura suddenly took on a dreamy expression. "Frankium . . . water . . . EXPLOSION!"  
  
"Really?" asked Marik, eyes gleaming.  
  
Evil Bakura nodded rapidly, a giant smile on his face. "Where do we sign up?"  
  
********  
  
Somehow, they all ended up there. "All" being Tea, Kaiba (ah, the puppy eyes of Mokuba), Mokuba, Joey, Tristan, Duke Devlin, Serenity, Yugi, Yami, Bakura, Evil Bakura, Marik, and Yamo.  
  
When they arrived, it turned out that it wasn't QUITE, "sign-up-and-proceed- to-blow-holes-in-random-things". They had to have a partner.  
  
What's more . . . the partner had to be chosen randomly.  
  
So they all put their names into large rotating ball, much like the one used to determine the Battle City finalists. Queerly enough, except for person in the corner, they were the only ones there. Quite a coincidence, no? Who would have thought it . . .  
  
And so, the first two names were spat out. The director picked them.  
  
"Ryou Bakura . . . and Seto Kaiba!"  
  
"Great. I'm stuck with a fluffy, polite guy . . . oh well. It could have been Wheeler."  
  
"I take offense from that!"  
  
The next two names came out.  
  
"Mokuba Kaiba . . . and Tristan Taylor!"  
  
Mokuba blinked at Tristan. Tristan blinked at Mokuba. Then they both shrugged.  
  
"Sounds good to me."  
  
"Same here."  
  
And then . . .  
  
"Evil Bakura . . . and Yugi Moto!"  
  
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I'LL GET THE PUZZLE NOW!"  
  
Yugi scooted away, looking distinctly worried. The director took some aspirin.  
  
"Tea Gardner . . . and Marik Ishtar!"  
  
Marik gulped, and started to inch away. Tea smiled evilly, snatched the Millennium Rod, and whacked him with it. The director sighed, and took some aspirin.  
  
"Serenity Wheeler . . . and Duke Devlin!"  
  
Duke Devlin stuck his tongue out at Tristan, and Serenity . . . looked clueless . . . as usual.  
  
"Yamo Ishtar . . . and Yami Moto!"  
  
The two stared at each other. Yamo started to laugh evilly and fiddle with a suspiciously sharp-looking object. Yami started to smirk and fiddle with a strange, dark mist that was emanating from his hand.  
  
"Joey Wheeler . . . and Rebecca Hawkins!" (And so the one in the corner is revealed.)  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"He's mean, teddy!"  
  
The director handed them all papers to sign, and, being somewhat curious, Evil Bakura read one out loud.  
  
"The Domino High Science Committee is not responsible for loss of sleep, life, friends, sanity, assorted body parts . . ." The tomb robber glanced at Yugi evilly, upon seeing the next item listed. " . . . Millennium Items, soul, mind, Duel Monster cards, companies . . ."  
  
Kaiba stared. "Who's in charge of this company, Pegasus??"  
  
" Never! I banished-I mean, not a chance."  
  
********  
  
{Random Office That Says: "Head of Domino Science Fair"}  
  
Pegasus sighed, and turned on Funny Bunny. "I do love education . . ."  
  
********  
  
"I guess it's a long shot," conceded Kaiba.  
  
The director cleared his throat to gather the attention of the others. "You will each be given a room to work in and also a free meal at a randomly selected restaurant in order to get to know each other. Please stop at the receptionist's desk to obtain both of these."  
  
And so . . . they went to lunch.  
  
********  
  
Bakura and Kaiba entered "Ye Olde Tea Place" and sat down at the nearest table.  
  
"Hallo!" said a random lady.  
  
"Hallo!" said Bakura.  
  
"Hallo!" said random guy in the corner.  
  
About ten "hallo"s followed. Kaiba twitched. "I'm surrounded by people . . . WITH ENGLISH ACCENTS . . ."  
  
After the choruses of "hallo" ended, Bakura ordered tea and Kaiba ordered bangers and mash along with tea. After a short wait, the food arrived. Kaiba poked the sausages with his fork . . .  
  
And discovered they were frozen.  
  
Poke, poke, poke.  
  
"That's why you get the tea," Bakura told him. "The tea is good. The rest . . ."  
  
"This is RAW, Bakura."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Want to skip lunch?"  
  
"Quite."  
  
********  
  
Yami checked the name, then looked up at the Chili's before them. Well . . . there was no putting this off . . .  
  
He and Yamo entered and seated themselves at a booth, then ordered.  
  
"I'll . . . have root beer . . . and a . . . uh . . . salad."  
  
"I'll have . . ." Yamo checked the menu. Yes, it was there. "A Bloody Mary. And a hamburger. A nice, raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw hamburger."  
  
The waiter coughed. "Proof of age?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"For the Bloody Mary."  
  
"Oh . . . I'm sixteen."  
  
"Sorry, sir, but the law says you have to be eighteen. How about a Shirley Temple?"  
  
"A WHAT??????"  
  
"Good!"  
  
********  
  
Yugi and Evil Bakure stood at the end of a very loooooooooong line in order to get an All-You-Can-Eat buffet. And the tomb robber was growing very impatient. So impatient, in fact, that he cracked.  
  
"GO AWAY YOU FOOLISH IDIOTIC MEDDLING MORTALS OR I SHALL BANISH YOUR PATHETIC FLEA-SIZED BRAINS TO THE SHADOW REALM!"  
  
The pronouncement worked wonders. Not only did the line disappear, but the restaurant became magically empty. Yugi put his head in his hands.  
  
"STEAK!!!!!" whooped Evil Bakura, piling about three of them on the plate.  
  
"I am soooooo ashamed . . ."  
  
"So, how about we do our project on human anatomy?" asked Evil Bakura, eating the steak rather . . . messily.  
  
"Uh . . . how about a nice little mobile of the planets?"  
  
********  
  
Yamo was growing impatient. Yami said torture wasn't a science, and Yamo hadn't done something psychotic since he put Tabasco sauce in Yami's root beer. And that hadn't really been psychotic . . . Yami's reaction, maybe, but not the actual act.  
  
The waiter arrived with their food, and an idea occurred to the psycho one . . .  
  
"HEY! YOU'RE LATE!!!!!"  
  
"Huh-AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"  
  
Yami watched, with a sweat drop almost the size of his head, as Yamo proceeded to chase the waiter around the restaurant, dagger drawn.  
  
"GET BACK HERE!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
********  
  
Kaiba and Bakura set to work building a miniature volcano. With Kaiba's resources and the great intelligence of both of them, they soon had completed a scarily accurate volcano, and now all they had to do was test it. In fact, there remained to be added only one ingredient . . . lemon juice. Kaiba being one of those people that shop in bulk all the time, he pulled out a giant bottle and prepared to pour a tiny little bit in it.  
  
"Make sure you only put a little in!" said Bakura. Kaiba turned around slightly, looking very annoyed. Unfortunately, when he moved, he ended up pouring the whole bottle in.  
  
"Look, I am not going to put too much in!!!!!"  
  
Bakura, from the other side of the volcano, started pointing and making squeaking noises.  
  
"What-"  
  
Kaiba saw the bottle, stared at it, blinked . . .  
  
BOOM!!!!!!!!  
  
When the smoke cleared, the volcano was in shambles, and Bakura and Kaiba had been hurled up on opposite walls.  
  
"You-"  
  
"DON'T SAY IT."  
  
"Hmph."  
  
There was silence.  
  
"Bakura?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I think we'd better ditch the volcano."  
  
"Quite. Um . . . Kaiba?"  
  
"Nn?"  
  
"I'm stuck to wall."  
  
"That's pathetic. So am I."  
  
********  
  
Okay, I'm tired, but here we go. Anyway . . . I get to name who goes next. So, Wolf Youkai, Mistress ofCanines, you're IT!  
  
Hope you guys enjoyed this. Whew . . . Well, remember to review! Even you Guildians! (grin grin) 


	2. THE INSANITY CONTINUES!

Wolf Youkai: Hiya all!

Socks: Yup! ^.^

Insane Wolf: Sure… *licking random knife blade*

Wolf Youkai: Well, thanks to a certain _someone _*cough*Ethelflaed*cough* I'm stuck writing the next chapter of this fic! Now, onto the disclaimer!

Socks: Cue the cheerleaders!

Cheerleaders: Do we own Yu-Gi-Oh? Say it with me, N-O, NO! *They get gunned down*

Insane Wolf: Whose idea was THAT?!

Socks: MINE! ^_______________________________________^

Insane Wolf: -.-u Figures.

Wolf Youkai: So, the Yugioh Craziness Guild proudly presents: CHAPTER TWO OF SCIENCE EQUALS PAAAAAAAAAAAIN!!!! MUWHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Now, we left off with everyone eating lunch together, except for Ryou and Kaiba, who are stuck to walls, and Yamo, who is chasing a random waiter with a knife. 

Yamo = Yami Marik (belongs to B/K. I must say this, or Ethelflaed will attack me… *gulp*)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Yami Bakura and Yugi*

Yami Bakura and Yugi finished their meal pretty much without incident (unless you count when Yami Bakura sent the chef to the Shadow Realm for making his steak too well done… The manager seemed to have some sort of 'you-break-it-you-buy-it' type of philosophy, and tried to get Yami Bakura to work as the chef, since he had so conveniently disposed of the original one, so the manager got sent to the Shadow Realm, too.). They headed to Yugi's Game Shop to work on their project. Yugi had convinced Yami Bakura to make a model of the planets by saying he could torch it when the science fair was over.

Yami Bakura was now attempting to glue Saturn's rings on with a hot glue gun. Yugi walked by him and tripped over the glue gun's cord. This jerked the glue gun out of Yami Bakura's hands, causing him to squeeze the trigger. And spray hot glue all over his face.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed, flinging the glue gun at Yugi and clutching his face. Yugi caught the device and promptly unplugged it.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!! @#%$&*@$#%&*@#$0^@%#$#$@^&^&*!!!!! INFERNAL CONTRAPTION!" He roared, pointing at the glue gun. "I CONDEMN YOU TO THE SHADOW REALM!!!!" The glue gun disappeared in a cloud of purply-blackness. 

"What the?!" Yugi exclaimed. "Did you just send Grandpa's hot glue gun to the Shadow Realm?"

"YES!!" Yami Bakura exclaimed, with a maniacal glint in his eyes. "YES! AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN, TOO!! JUST WATCH ME!! Do you have another glue gun?"

"No, since you sent the _last_ one to the Shadow Realm."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Tristen and Mokuba*

Mokuba and Tristen ate an uneventful lunch at Dairy Queen (don't own it), because Mokuba was jumping up and down, asking for a sundae. At DQ, they ate sundaes and burgers. Lots of burgers. Then, they went to Tristen's house to think of an idea for their science fair project. Then, they got bored of trying to think of ideas for the science fair, and began to think about other things. Then, they got bored of thinking all together, and began playing video games. But Mokuba kept creaming Tristen at Soul Caliber II (Don't own it. I want it really really bad, though.), so they quit that, too. They were now looking through Tristen's large stack of National Geographic magazines (do you _think_ I own it?). Mokuba was currently amusing himself by singing to the tune of Yankee Doodle,

"Aardvarks are my friends, aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends aardvarks are my friends…"

Tristen had tried to convince him to stop, with no success. He was now plugging his ears, and staring at a picture in one of the magazines.

"Ooooooooh…" he said, giggling like a schoolgirl.

Suddenly, Mokuba ended his mindless babble and turned his attention to Tristen. 

"Whatcha lookin' at?"

"You can't see it!" Tristen shrieked, pulling the magazine away. (I promise you all that this is clean.)

"Why not?"

"You just can't, okay."

Mokuba grabbed the magazine away from Tristen and looked at the magazine. "What? It's just a picture of a rhino." (I told you it was clean. But did you listen to me? Noooooooo.)

"My distant relatives…"

Sweatdrop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Yamo and Yami*

Yamo had finally gotten tired of chasing the waiter, and was now sitting at the table with Yami, who was eating, despite the fact that he was a 5000-year-old spirit and didn't really need to do so. 

"I am now the official pharaoh!" Yamo suddenly yelled, randomly.

"No, you are not."

"Yes I am."

"Why?"

"Just because."

"How is that possible? _I_ am the pharaoh! Me, not you."

"Not any more!"

"Why not?"

"Cuz your dead!"

"GRRRRR! I'm still the pharaoh!"

"No, I am!"

"No you're not!

"Yes I am!"

"No you're not!"

"Yes I am!"

"No!"

"Yes!!!"

"No!"

"Yes!!!"

"No!"

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"Yes!!! Yes! Yes! Yes! YES!!!!!!!!!! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

Then, a guy came up and killed him with a machine gun. (I wish. But this is what really happened.) A guy came up and killed him with a machete. (Not really. This is what ACTUALLY happened.) Then, a guy came up and threw a brick at him, knocking him unconscious. Shadi appeared and gave the Rod to Kaiba, who owned it in ancient Egypt. (Still not what really happened. Okay, I promise the truth this time.) Then, a random guy walked over to him and threw a brick at him. Yamo ducked, and the brick missed his head. Then, he turned rabid and chased after the guy who had thrown the brick at him. Yami just sat there, an enormous sweatdrop rolling down the back of his head. Finally, he grabbed Yamo and dragged him out of the Chiles (which I don't own) muttering, "You are an embarrassment to nature, you do know that, right?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Duke and Serenity*

Duke and Serenity sat down at The Pancake House (made it up! Therefore, I own it! MUWAHAHAHAH! Take that, baka lawyers!) and searched their menus for things to eat that did not involve pancakes. (LOL!!) After all, it was no where near breakfast time…

"What's wrong with ordering pancakes for lunch?" Serenity finally asked, having failed to find anything on the menu that did not include pancakes. Duke just shrugged in defeat, and ordered chocolate chip pancakes. Then, he turned towards the door just in time to see a man running out the door screaming, "AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! TOO. MUCH. PANCAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (I must have been on something when I wrote that…) The guy nearly ran into Joey, who was standing outside the door for some random reason…

Duke gulped. He knew what was coming. Joey made a gesture for Duke to come outside. Duke thought he saw him pull out a knife and lick the blade. But if that really had happened, someone would have noticed, wouldn't they? He was probably just being paranoid… 

"Excuse me," Duke said to Serenity, and got up from the table and exited the restaurant. 

When he got outside, Joey glared at him. Duke waited for him to pull out the knife… (Duke sure is paranoid! Sheesh! Is there a word for fear of assassination?) But Joey didn't. (In fact, he didn't even have a knife. Duke's imagination and assassination-phobia just got the better of him…) Instead, he just backed Duke against the wall of the building, a murderous look in his eyes. 

"If you get near my baby sister…" he spat, "I will pummel you into next week!"

"I think Serenity can take care of herself, Joey," Yugi said, randomly appearing behind Joey and tapping him on the shoulder repeatedly. 

"What the heck? Where'd you come from, Yug?" Joey asked, turning away from Duke. Duke used this distraction to sneak back into the restaurant. 

"What was that about?" Serenity asked.

"Um…" He was spared having to explain further, however, because at that point, their food arrived.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Joey and Rebecca*

Joey glared at Duke (who was currently digging into a plate of chocolate chip pancakes). Why was everyone so interested in his sister? 

"Come _on!_" Rebecca exclaimed, grabbing Joey's hand. "Come on, Joey-san!* I'm hungry! And so is Teddy! Right Teddy? Right Rebecca! See, I told you he was hungry!" She began to skip away, dragging Joey behind her. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

*-san = mister or misses or miss, (proper title thingy) so, Mister Joey! LOL!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Insane Wolf: That was very strange…

Socks: Sure was! ^-^

Wolf Youkai: Sorry this took so long… You see, my parents have gone on the warpath. I am now only allowed to use anything that has a screen for an hour and a half each day! MADNESS! That's EVERYTHING with a screen. TV, computer, GBA, Nintendo, ALL OF IT! .# And my parents aren't the only ones… My teachers have been overloading me with homework! Accursed 'Math Portfolios'… So, guild members, I might not be able to post anything for a while. DON'T KICK ME OFF!! 

Socks: Are we doing review replies?

Wolf Youkai: I guess so… I'm not going to reply to the guild members here, because we can talk on the guild. Also, If you reviewed, and I do not reply to you, that means I couldn't answer your question, because, (guess what) I'm not Ethelflaed.

Replies:

Eclipse Shaman: I'm glad you thought it was funny!

Shinta Himura: I guess that means you thought it was funny, too? YAY FOR FUNNINESS!

Kawaii Neko Youkai: I'm glad that you also thought it was funny!

Tamara Raymond: No, as far as I know, none of us live anywhere near each other, except for maybe Ky and me, and Flaed and Mouself.

Shadow Ishtar: Yes it will! ^_^

Wolf Youkai: Now for the fun part! I get to pick who goes next! *Evil smile* Cpegasus, I choose you! (AIEEEEEEEEEE! THE EVIL OF THE POKEMON IS INFLUENCING MY BRAIN!)


	3. does bleach get out lemon mess?

CPegasus: hey there people! Well, looks like it's my turn! SOSOSOSOSO sorry it took me so long to get this up, I wanted to do it right, y'know? Call me petty, or call me professional, either one works for me.  
  
so, looks like it's up to me to get Ryou and Kaiba un-stuck from the wall, now isn't it? Just so's ya know, while everyone else seems to like writing about several different storylines in one chapter, I tend to stick to one. So, this entire chappy is about Ryou and Kaiba. *perky* Oh, and no one kill me if I mess something up, kay? *V-for-Victory*  
  
Sam: . . . . . . I will never understand you . . .  
  
Note: I'm probably the only one so far and for a while who calls Bakura's personalities Ryou and Bakura, rather than Bakura and Yami Bakura or EB or something along those lines. Just ta letcha know. ****************  
  
"Er, Kaiba?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm stuck to the wall."  
  
"That's pathetic. So am I." Kaiba looked around. The supplies for the volcano were all still scattered about the room, much to his annoyance. Kaiba was one of those people who had to have everything in the right place, all the time, while Ryou had the tendency to not notice something on the floor until he tripped on it (A/n: kinda like me ^^'). But then, Kaiba thought, perhaps something lying around on the room could help them out.  
  
"Wow, would ya look at that," Ryou said, wide-eyed, as he suddenly slipped out of his lemony-fresh bindings.  
  
Kaiba stared. "What did you do?"  
  
Ryou stood looking at his hands with fascination. (a/n: heh, he'd be cute doing that) "I'm not sure . . ."  
  
Kaiba sighed. ~great,~ he thought, ~I am stuck to a wall with lemon juice in the company of only one person with a British accent and apparently a very relaxed view on life. Juuuuuusssssssttttt perfect. ~  
  
"Well," Ryou said with a very perky smile on his face, "I guess I should set about helping you out of there, shouldn't I?"  
  
Kaiba suddenly got a very bad feeling about the situation. And likely as he was not to believe them, when Kaiba got those kinds of feelings, they were usually right . . .  
  
*** (2 hours later)  
  
***  
  
"DON'T YOU DARE!"  
  
"Don't worry; I'm sure THIS one will work!" Ryou insisted, holding a bottle of bleach up and preparing to pour it on the lemony mess. However, by now the mess was more than just lemony. It was lemony, peanut-butter-y, masking-tape-y, Juicy-Fruit (dun own it)-y, honey-y, toothpaste-y, tinfoil- y, and about to be bleach-y too.  
  
"This is my favorite coat. I will NOT have it bleached."  
  
"But-"  
  
"I have gum in my hair, tinfoil on my pants, and lemon all over me. SO DON'T MAKE ME ANY MORE MAD!" Little known fact: when faced with a huge mess, Seto Kaiba tends to lose his temper pretty severely.  
  
"Well then, I'll just see if the plaster is about ready then!" Ryou said with a smile that would blind the sun.  
  
"HELL NO!"  
  
"Wait a minute!" Ryou shouted. "I've got it!"  
  
"if you say any kind of hard candy, I'm going to scream."  
  
"Your coat is the only thing stuck to the wall!"  
  
Kaiba hung there on the wall for a moment. He looked down dimly at his coat. It WAS his favorite trenchcoat, but was it worth . . . THIS? Kaiba sighed and squirmed out of his trenchcoat. He instantly fell to the floor, covered in various sticky substances. He glared sharply at Ryou.  
  
"Why didn't you think of that before!?"  
  
"I'm not sure! But it's a jolly good thing I did, isn't it?"  
  
Kaiba buried his face in his hands, quickly withdrawing it as it was now covered in toothpaste.  
  
"I am going to wash this junk off me. When I return, have a good idea ready to work with, you got it?" Kaiba asked coldly.  
  
"Sure thing!" replied Ryou, and he sat down to think.  
  
***  
  
Kaiba returned a little while later, in clean clothes and with wet hair. Kaiba didn't particularly LIKE being wet, but it was definitely better than being covered in goop. Ryou was still sitting on the floor in the middle of a huge mess left by the volcano, thinking.  
  
"oh, hello Kaiba!" Ryou smiled reeeeeeeeeeealy big. Kaiba shuddered slightly.  
  
"Did you think of anything?" Kaiba began to pick up bottles of messy liquid and shards of plaster left behind by the volcano.  
  
"Well . . . there is that whole virtual game thing you have, isn't there? Can we do something with that?  
  
Kaiba froze in place. "That actually may not be a bad idea . . . I mean, the technology isn't new, but we could work with that . . ."  
  
"I've got it!" Ryou smiled big again. "What if we stick someone inside the game without them knowing, and see what they do?"  
  
Kaiba stopped again and stared at Ryou.  
  
"*ahem* I just read Lord of the Flies" Ryou rubbed the back of his neck. "It could be like a study of Human Nature."  
  
"now THAT we can do. See how long it takes for a person to lose hope and sanity in a world where everything is rigged against him . . ." Kaiba rubbed his hands together in malicious delight. Ryou backed away. "And I've got just the victim . . ."  
  
"who?" Ryou asked a bit nervously, wishing he hadn't brought it up.  
  
Kaiba smirked. "Wheeler"  
  
******  
  
CPegasus: HAH! There we go! A good idea that someone else can finish up! ^.^  
  
Okay, I don't own Lord of the Flies or anything else. Of course I need to say that. -_-  
  
Now let's see . . . . . . . . . . jeti-chan, you're up! You said u wanted to work with the pancake house, so go right ahead  
  
Bai-bai - CPegasus 


	4. Model solar system, glue, hand, argh

jeti: waha! 'tis MY turn now! *evil laugh*  
  
zipandel: O.o;;;  
  
jeti: CPegasus, i didn't not say i wanted to work with the pancake house. pancakes! INTERNATION HOUSE OF PANCAKES! IHOP! UHOP! WE ALL HOP! WE CAN STIL HOP! . . . man, i hated that book. --;;; (uber kudos to anyone who knows what book i'm talking about. mm, kudos.)  
  
zipandel: you and your inside jokes. -.-;;;  
  
jeti: i luvvies meh insides jokes-ness-ness! ^_____^ (that was another another one, if you can't tell. jeez, i sure am full of them, en't i?)  
  
zipandel: . . .  
  
JeurLeMeth: hey, are you gonna do that idea with the--  
  
jeti: SHHH! WAIT ONE MINUET! . . . or a minute, if you like. minuets tend to be a tad long.  
  
zipandel: *falls over from the many inside jokes*  
  
jeti: . . . ok, i'ma begin t3h fic now. i calleth the Yami no Bakura Yami Bakura because it be correct. . . sorta. but everyone once in a while, i'll use Evil Bakura. . . for continuity's sake. although CPegasus already destroyed it! and also sometimes Bakura because it be shorter! yatta! Yami no Yugi just be Yami because i am lazy and dun wanna writing it out! the evil thing that at certain points possesses Malik i shall call Yamo ('tis B/k's! not mine!) for the sake of continuity and lack of a better word! because he's not Yami Malik. there is no such thing, i tell you! Marik has no darker half, he is simply schizophrenic! waha! Bakura Ryou i call Ryou, i'm spelling Yuugi with one u because hardly anyone spells it with two u's anyway, and. . . um. . . and now i shall continue with the dislaimer. two, in fact, because CPegasus didn't write a very good one at all.  
  
*somewhere out there, CPegasus sneezes*  
  
jeti: waha! serving you right!  
  
Disclaimer: The joint group, Delinquent Duelists of Doom, does not own Yu-Gi-Oh and never will. Unless we buy it off of E-Bay. And then we will commence with pointing and gloating, accompianied by many shouts of, "Ha! We own Yu-Gi-Oh and YOU DON'T! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" and the like.  
  
jeti: and here's another one!  
  
Disclaimer: No own Yu-Gi-Oh! NO OWN! NO SUE, MINNA-SAN, ONEGAAA~I!  
  
jeti: you know what? let's put in a third because i'm OCD and-- i mean, for good measure.  
  
Disclaimer: All your Yu-Gi-Oh not belong to us! Ha, ha, ha. . . *suspicious noise in the background* OH NO, SOMEBODY SET US UP THE BOMB! *spontaneously combust*  
  
jeti: ah. . . disclaimers are so refreshing. on with the story!  
  
note: i will not write anything about Ryou and Kaiba, because the last chapter was all about them. *cough*andiwouldntknowwhattowriteeither*cough*  
  
another note: please excuse my writing style/sense of humour. and any random british spellings that i might accidentally put in. i do that sometimes. oh, and any spelling errors, as i use notepad and it has no spell checker. um. . . yes, i think that's quite enough of that.  
  
~~~  
  
Yugi and Yami Bakura  
  
~~~  
  
Yami Bakura muttered darkly to himself as he attempted to glue tiny little strings to tiny little styrofoam balls. This whole "Science Project" thing wasn't working for him. Especially the kind of science project that did not involve flammable and/or explosive chemicals. Not to mention that Krazy Glue (waha! no own!) smelled a lot worse than the glue gun did. And it didn't even have the word "Gun" in it.  
  
"Um. . . Yami Bakura? I'm going to the bathroom, OK? Just don't. . . do. . . anything bad." Yugi looked a bit unsure about leaving Yami no Bakura alone. In his house. But he couldn't very well _not_ go to the bathroom, so he was going to have to risk it. He began to turn around towards the bathroom when Yami no Bakura called out from behind him.  
  
"Oh, Yugi?"  
  
". . . Yes?"  
  
"How about leaving the Puzzle here? I mean," continued Bakura, putting on the most innocent face he could (which wasn't all that bad, after all those years of pretending to be Ryou), "the Puzzle is rather heavy, isn't it? Why carry it around so much? It's quite safe here."  
  
Yugi looked blank for a moment, trying to get over the fact that Evil Bakura was acting almost sensible. "Uh. . . right. I'll just take the Puzzle with me. . . yeah." And so he hurried off.  
  
"$&*@#$*%," muttered Yami Bakura, "I was sure that one would work!" So angered was he, that he didn't pay quite enough attention to the task at hand, and succeeding in glueing a small styrofoam model of Mars to his left hand. After a moment of realisation, he shook his hand around wildly. And then he did it a bit more. And then he shook his hand around so violently, that Saturn swung up and whapped him in the face. "AAAAAAAARGH!" he screamed. "GET IT OFF ME!" This outburst was accompianied by much flailing and shouting of words like, "$#^*^%$" and "%^$&$#".  
  
Yugi returned from the bathroom too see the Dark side of Bakura running back and forth frantically, the Solar system trailing behind him. "Yami Bakura!" he said, "Why did you glue the Solar System to your left hand?"  
  
"Nevermind that," yelled Yami Bakura, "just get this *&^&$@#*$#$ thing off me!"  
  
"But, but, that's Krazy Glue! It only comes off with solvent. If you try to rip it off like that, your skin will come off!"  
  
Now, Yami no Bakura was normally all for blood and pain. But this, however, would be blood and pain from himself. "Well, get some %$%&*&^% solvent then!"  
  
~~~  
  
Duke and Serenity  
  
~~~  
  
Happy little Duke and happy little Serenity ate a happy little lunch of happy little pancakes filled with happy little chocolate chips. And all was right with the world. Minus the part of the world in which Yamo was. And Rebecca. And all the mimes. And the rhinos, and the mummies, and the machetes, and. . . and everyone, actually. But we'll just ignore that for the moment.  
  
~~~  
  
Yugi and Yami Bakura. . . again.  
  
~~~  
  
As Yugi and Yami Bakura made their way through the nearest hobby store, they got many odd looks from people wondering why there was a miniature version of the solar system glued to Yami Bakura's left hand. But Yugi managed to get the evil yami through without _much_ trouble (that man in aisle 2 had deserved what he got, anyway) and got to one of the workers.  
  
"Excuse me," started Yugi, "Is there any Krazy Glue Removal here?"  
  
Said worker turned around slowy, revealing a tag reading 'Hi! My Name Is Walter'. He stared at Yugi and Yami Bakura for a moment, then let out a strangled sort of scream. "Aisle 6!" he cried, "Just please, don't hurt me!" And so, he promptly ran and hid behind a stack of car model kits.  
  
"Well," said Yugi, "I wonder what that was about."  
  
~~~  
  
Yami and Yamo: flashback, earlier that day  
  
~~~  
  
"Just because it says 'FLAMMABLE' on it does _not_ mean that you should touch it," muttered Yami as he dragged Yamo through the hobby store.  
  
"I can touch whatever I want, for I am THE PHAROAH! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!"  
  
"We already went over this, I am!"  
  
"No, I am!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes!!!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes!!!"  
  
"No!!!"  
  
"Ye--!!!"  
  
"--Excuse me, can I help you?"  
  
Both Yami and Yamo turned towards one of the stores workers. . . one of those annoying kids that just gets a job for the money, and really doesn't care at all.  
  
"Um, yes. . . Walter," Yami began, reading off the tag on Walter's front. "We're looking for some glue removal. We've, uh. . . gotten some glue on ourselves."  
  
Walter looked at them for a moment before laughing uproariously, along with much bending over and snorting. "I can't believe it!" he choked out between gasps, "I can't believe there are people stupid enough to glue their hands together!"  
  
This last comment got some very angry glares from both Yami and Yamo. Suddenly, Yamo pulled a rather big knife from out of his back pocket. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" he screamed, "IT'S KILLING TIME!!!"  
  
Walter suddenly thought the smartest thing he ever thought in his life: Run. And so he did, with Yamo close behind and Yami dragged along for the ride.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"  
  
~~~  
  
Yami and Yamo: flashback end  
  
~~~  
  
"Forget it," said Yami Bakura. "I really don't care." They stepped into Isle 6: all the items begginning with the letter 'K'.  
  
"Look Yami Bakura, they have Kake Bake!"  
  
"I just want the glue removal."  
  
"Ooh! And here's Kookie Kutters!"  
  
"Glue. Removal."  
  
"Kool Whip containers!"  
  
"SHIT UP AND GET THE &^%%$^%# GLUE REMOVAL!"  
  
"OK, OK." Yugi walked along the isle to 'Kr', and found an empty spot on the shelf. "Ano. . . I think. . . they're. . . out of Krazy glue removal. . ."  
  
"WHAT!?!?!?"  
  
"But look, it's the Collecters guide to all things Krispy Kreme!"  
  
~~~  
  
jeti: hey everyone, say it with me! "jeti doesn't own kool whip, or krispy kreme! and if koookie kutters and kake bake actually exist, they're not hers either! krazy glue from way up at the top still doesn't belong to her because it smells bad! and anything she forgot to mention probably doesn't belong to her, either!"  
  
everyone: . . . riiight.  
  
jeti: yeah, well anyway, that's it! i actually finished this a week ago, but i was having some trouble logging into ff[dot]net. . . what's with that? so here it is! i havn't read it for a week either, i'm just assuming it's all done! anyone notice that no one's been mentioning Malik and Tea? just a thought. anyway, the next person is. . . *pulls name out of a hat (read: "random box from nest to the computer")* Ky Doppelganger! cpmgratulations, you are the next victi-- erm, author. ess.  
  
anyway, review? anyone? you've gotten this far. . . and i will check the reviews and send something nice to anyone who knows what book the words 'we can stil hop' came from. 


	5. The Duct Tape Tells All

Hello! It is the Rebecca's turn . . . known as Beccamabobbers. Ky didn't have any ideas, and then Kiita decided that SHE didn't have a clue what to write, so the torch has been passed to me.

If anyone would mind reading and reviewing my stories . . . (glassy eyes) I feel ignored . . .

Disclaimer: If I owned Yu-Gi-Oh!, why in three cheeses would I be writing fanfiction? And I also don't own most of the other things in here. Just the chapter.

Oh. And the name Yamo belongs not to me, it is B/k's.

Well, ON WITH THE STORY!

"Fool," muttered Yamo. "You didn't have to duct-tape me to the nearest public phone..."

"I had no CHOICE in the matter!" yelled Yami, "When you went to the aisle with the baseball bats, you had gone waaaaay to far!"

"I am Pharaoh, and my new law is DUCT TAPE IS NOW BANNED! HA! IN YOUR FACE, SLAVE!"

". . . But I'm the Pharaoh."

"No, I am!"

"But I'm the Pharaoh!"

"No, I am!"

"No, I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

Yami produced a roll of duct tape from his coat pocket.

"The roll of duct tape says that I am!"

Yamo blanched.

"I'll . . . I'll duel you for the title of Pharaoh!"

One shadow game later...

"Grr! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE, Mr. Starhead!" Yamo yelled, lacking an arm.

"The roll of duct tape says I'm not a starhead!"

Yamo turned white.

"Agreed."

The scene changes, to where Serenity and Duke (A/n: DEATH TO THE DUBBERS! HOW DARE THEY CALL HIM DUKE?!) Are happily testing the properties of maple syrup on their paper napkins. The author is bored already with them, so the scene will change again.

"If...If you don't agree to the project about using various chemicals on Millennium Items, I'll mind control you!"

Whack.

"Or not."

In case you didn't figure it out already, Malik and Tea were at it again.

"I WANT TO DO A PROJECT ON THE LIFE CYCLE OF A COCKROACH! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, LIVE WITH IT!"

"Tea, your Caps Lock is on . . . "

"Oops. Sorry."

"How about we try making a homemade bomb! That would get us extra credit!"

"OH NO YOU DON'T!"

"Your Caps Lock is on again."

"No, I'm just pressing the Shift key."

Stare.

"How does that work anyways? Aren't we supposed to be talking?"

"Point taken."

A moment of silence.

". . . So, Malik, what ARE we going to do?"

"I have no idea."

"Umm . . . "

"How about a project on how the Millennium Items work?" He pointed his rod at Tea. She suddenly was lacking the pupils in her eyes.

"Yes," she said in a strange double-voice. "That would do very nicely."

The scene begins to swirl around you again, and changes.

"HOW are you supposed to read a mortal-y book on those accursed Krispy Kremes, when your hands are glued to your leather jacket?

"Don't worry, I just want to look at the pictures!"

Stare.

"Why did you open that can of 'frosting' anyways?"

"I wanted to try it! I didn't think that it was epoxy glue!"

"How are you planning to open the book?"

"I'll use my hair!"

Realizing that it was a wonderful opportunity to steal the Millennium Puzzle while Yugi's hands were . . . preoccupied, Yami Bakura grabbed the cord and lifted the puzzle over Yugi's head.

"Hey! Give me back my puzzle!"

"No."

"I'll do anything!"

A demented grin slowly crept over the psycho one's face.

"Anything?"

Yet again, the scene changes, to a boy with a blond mountain ontop of his head, and an annoying kid.

"He's mean, Teddy! He doesn't want to do a project about whose teddy bear is softer!"

The blond-mountain-head-boy ran away screaming. It scared him. The person who was running the science fair scared him. Rebecca scared him. The author of this chapter, whose name is cooincidentally, also Rebecca, scared him. All the DDoD scared him.

Everything scared him. So against everything, he summoned his Jinzo. He could be happy now.

Again, the scene changes.

"Let's forget the volcano thing, okay, Bakura?"  
"I suppose so. We don't wish to get you stuck to the wall again, do we?"

"No we don't. Let's just write essays."

"Okay . . . "said Bakura, looking doubtful.  
Kaiba pulled out a pen and began furiously writing.

After a few seconds of writing, Bakura leaned over Kaiba's shoulder and asked "What are you writing about?"  
"Nitrites," Kaiba mumbled.

Bakura read what Kaiba had written so far.  
(A/n: I stole this from my encyclopedia. No own-y!)

Nitrite is a compound of the nitrite anion and some other element. An anion is a negatively charged ion. Inorganic nitrites are stable and soluble in water. Most organic nitrites are made from alchohols.

". . . Kaiba?"

Kaiba grunted.  
"Are you sure the teachers will be able to understand that?"

Kaiba set down his pen.  
"True enough."  
"Let's just stick to the volcano, shall we?"

"Point taken."

Again again, the scene changes to 2 previously mentioned characters.

"No, Bakura! Stealing is not a science!"  
"Diddling, then."  
Yugi was confused. "Diddling?"

"Yes, diddling."  
"What's diddling?"  
"Stealing."  
"I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT STEALING ISN'T A SCIENCE!"

"But diddling is," Yami Bakura said as he strode over to the bookshelf of his house.  
"But it's stealing . . . "  
"No, it's diddling," Bakura said, as he grabbed the big black book of Edgar Allan Poe and searched for the page. "Here. Read." He shoved it into Yugi's hands. Unfortunately, the pages turned with Bakura's rough handling of the book. Now it said The Masque of the Red Death. Yugi began to read. A few minutes later, he was shivering with fright.  
"And the . . . and the Red Death killed them all!" he said, in wide-eyed horror.

". . . That's not Diddling . . . "

Yugi stared in horror at the nearest clock.

"You read The Masque of the Red Death. Try page 315," Bakura said, polishing the Millennium Puzzle.

"Okay, got it. Diddling." He read it.  
"Bakura! That is not a science!"

Yami Bakura made a motion under the title.

"Considered as one of the Exact Sciences. Drat," said Yugi.

"Diddling it is!"

So, that is my chapter. Mouself, I pass the torch unto thee . . . just be careful not to burn anyone, okay?


End file.
